


Shouting of my Soul

by Sombereyes



Category: Sailor Moon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Romance, Songfic, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 03:28:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei tells her story of continual love affairs, and inward destruction as she searches to find herself. The one she truly belongs with becomes muddled when love is mistaken for passion. GirlxGirl pairings, slightly dark fiction. Also includes one character that was specifically created for the premise of the fiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Rei's PoV

**Author's Note:**

> Author Rambling: I thought I'd try my hand at something a bit longer. We'll see how it goes. This is girl/girl, so if you don't like it, I'd advise you turn away. I sometimes like dark fictions, and slightly angst ridden situations. This fiction will be like that. There will be good moments too, I hope, but this fiction won't be completely sappy or fun loving. Another thing is this isn't purely about Rei and Minako. Readers beware of that. I'm not the best with longer fictions yet, so please bear with me. If you'd like, please leave a review. Oh, also, I don't have a beta, so this story is as it comes...

Quiet... It's a damn crime against every bit of nature in existence. It leaves you wondering. Sometimes, you want to scream. Others, you want to cry. Solace, it's only fleeting by the amount of hours in a day, the clock ticks in a week. Hell, sometimes it doesn't make a damn bit of sense. Yeah, you get those lonely teens who never shut up...then you wish for something like this. They sit there and say their little sob stories. We all do. Every single one of us. Strength isn't only powerful. It's also so weak, you could squash it like a bug. At the end of the day, all we live in, is the emotional quiet.

Yeah, bugs fly by windows, refrigerators turn on, ice gets made, heaters click by the hours... Life sounds so fun doesn't it? Some idiots in this world, like myself, are left in solitude at times like this. Moments of such meaninglessness, that we sit and question the world. Sometimes the thoughts are simply based upon ideals. Other times, who we want to become shapes the current mental point into a dream based reality. Save the random animal, or god forsaken planet crap aside, lets face it, humanity is doomed. We know this from day one, as dark as it sounds.

You live so that one day you can die. Well, that's what some say. People have all kinds of crap to spew, don't they?

Screw em' then.

The dripping faucet is starting up again. What a waste of water, someone should fix that. But who? Me?

Nope, sorry, wrong number and try again later please. Now isn't that just the way the world works? So many want to be helpful, a handful of them actually are. It just sucks at the end of the day, nobody can help me. No one can answer my question. Well, I guess it is kind of hard. A few bubble heads I know would tell me it's all mushy stuff. He kisses you, you kiss him. You tell him you love him, and then next thing you know, he's your damned prince, a knight in shining-Damn it!

Oops, broke my clock.  
...now I don't even have that any more.  
I guess I shouldn't have hit the nightstand so hard.  
My hand will be bruised tomorrow...

You know, there was a point in my life, in my younger years, where I honestly felt love would come for me. I have great friends, don't get me wrong. I just felt, well, ya know...like someone was actually going to tell me they loved me. For once I wanted to be the one. I wanted to be pursued. I wanted to be the girl just once, that turned the heads of everyone...and every man gazed in awe. Every girl would be jealous. Just once, that's all I could ever ask. Just one moment of glory for all of my hardships, all of the things I've lost. Just once, I wanted someone who gave half a damn about me.

Was that...never mind. Clearly I am sitting on a bed roses. At that age, I was an idiot. I just had questions, and in a moment of vanity, I wanted those questions answered. Back then, it really was that simple. When the questions changed, I don't really know. It could have been after dying and being reborn. It could be after seeing a future not set within stone. Still, I don't know who sparked the changes, or why. The only thing I recall, rather the only distinct memory I have, are the questions themselves.

Was it so much, so impossible, that I be loved?  
Could it be so much a walking travesty that I become happy?  
I am pretty, why can't people see how beautiful I am?  
Why can't they tell me that I'm cared for?

That, ironically, was the mind of an angst ridden, depressed, teenage version of myself. One who hadn't graduated high school. One who claimed she'd seen all, and thought she knew all. However, even if I live in a world of peace, and at least attempted harmony, there is one question that fails me. One answer, I have never received. It's a rather stupid question, really. No one should be able to answer it, but still...

What is love?

That question will open new doors, and new answers. I know that. A few other things I often ponder, comes from the same root. Love. Will I ever understand it? Will I ever grasp hold of it? I've waited many long years, and everyone else has some measure of happiness. They're all content, more or less...but what about me? Am I missing something? Is there something my soul lacks... something all of the others have? Yes, I'm sure I sound selfish. I know I must. Is it so much to ask, that just once, I'm held, kissed, and told I'm loved?

I know running an entire kingdom isn't easy. We're constantly on the move. Royal meetings aside, we all have so much we live up to. Some of us are bound for duties. Others, held down by the laws of this world. A select few have love, romance, and a sense of self worth tacked onto all of the other jobs performed daily. A few, us unlucky ones, have their tasks by fate. Nothing else...and I, for lack of anything gained, have an understanding of something that no real mortal could possibly understand.

Why?  
Simple.

Because of my many years I've come to understand that love, or lack there of, is very different than we think. It's more or less the standard love story, sub par, and written over a billion times over the course of a person's life. In my case, it was girl meets girl. Now you see, some would claim fate had me at the start. That such a thing would guide my life how it saw fit. As if fate was a deity, and not simply a term derived from fairy tales.

They're right, but that isn't the point I'm getting at.

My point is, only some people are made and built for the soul reason of romance. Many of us just sort of, well, lets say stumble across it, like they would tripping over a rock. It either happens, or it doesn't. Either way, the rock will still be there. Don't believe me? Don't worry, I don't believe myself half the time. It was once explained to me, that such a complicated thing as love, was not nearly as predetermined as everyone thought. It was not a set path, never forced into every step. This person likes to say, that love is more of a spirit in and of itself. It will either manifest, and carrying a life built and fed on emotion, or it will stay dormant, unknown for those intended, never felt by those who crave it.

I assume that this person, who considers herself a sort of guru on the subject, has a point. Looking back at my younger years, I call tell you why everyone thinks I'm always depressed. Why I'm told that I could never begin to understand it. All joking aside, I've figured out a few rules, laws within love. They're commandments by choice, so to speak. Rather silly really, but I remember my first real heated kiss, my first real crush. I also remember, my second, and my third. Hell I remember all of them. The realization, however, that comes far later.

At the time I thought I had stumbled upon an angel, however, life as we know it would again kick me in the butt. Not that I hadn't had enough altercations with it already. First my mother dies, my father abandons me, and as if all of that wasn't enough, I get thrust head long into a life of a guardian. A moronic moon princess someone I am told to protect. On top of that, die more than than I should have... gods the list is endless. It sounds like I'm looking for pity now, so I'll stop there.

During all of this, I wonder why the hell I didn't just stay dead. However, all of my demons aside, I've come to the realization that my life wasn't just a crap shoot. Why? Well, I'll get to that in a few moments. Let me tell you about my first real, well, crush...damn it, she's one of my best friends, and alright, she's still a lot more than I let on, but it doesn't really matter.

Her eyes were crystal blue. Her smile shone throughout the world as if a speckle of light glimmered in the darkness of the cold and often dreary world. Many would flock towards her, drawn in naturally by her charismatic smile and simplicity, if not often mistake her words. Indeed, the blond was somewhat of a ditz. She hadn't ever been known to stay her place, but she wasn't exactly a poster child for failed love and crude heartbreak. Yes, one Aino Minako had been gifted a dish best served cold. It wasn't sweet, nor was it bitter. It was just ice, a frozen reality. Nothing more. Nothing less. A girl her age surely built misconceptions about everything. It was easy how quickly she could be bitten by the notorious bug, however just like every simple bite, the venom slowly went away, a scar always left behind. It was small, and barely there, but just like every mark left upon the surface...

The stories told of deeper wounds.

She was young, no doubts there. Not that I wasn't around the same age mind you. I assumed that she had other plans, ones more important than my own. However, it turns out her plans, well, rather duty, were the same as mine. Worse than that, she knew things I didn't, and had access to a past life I had only dreamed about on rare occasions. Why did I fall in love with her, you ask me?

She's love incarnate damn it!  
I didn't need a reason.  
Rather, I believed I didn't.  
I actually didn't understand a thing back then.  
Irony, you must love it.  
God, how I hate that word.

I'm a Senshi of passion first and foremost. Secondly, I'm a warrior and I'll burn my enemies into a crisp. And thirdly, I'm second ranking leader should something happen to our fellow Senshi in arms, you guessed it, Aino Minako. Gods above, sometimes I wonder why I don't just jump into the scared flame like a crazed lunatic. It would be so much easier. Oh, don't worry, I'll tell you. Just let me make some tea, and we can relax by the fire. Then you'll hear everything. I swear.


	2. Chapter 2: Can't Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of last chapter. Rei tells her story through a series of flashbacks and explanations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda winging this as I go, blasting music to help me think of how I wanted this to go. Turns out, I can't get this one song out of my mind, and it fits so well with what I want to do, so I'm going to use it. The song is called Run, and it's by Snow Patrol. I see a common way to write "song fictions" is to put the lyrics into Italics, so that's what I'll be doing. Not all of the lyrics will be in this chapter... in fact, they'll be spread over many of them. Please, read, and enjoy, feed back is appreciated, but not demanded.

So, where were we? Oh, yes, My story. This black tea is so often calming for me, I simply forget what it is, or why it is rather, that I'm angry. My outburst earlier was simply due to lack of logic. That happens to the best of us, and I'm sorry for that. Firstly, I should introduce myself, I'm Hino Rei. My duties of this new kingdom are mundane, but easy to do. I'm the miko. I lend my guidance when needed, offer spiritual healing, non traditional medical advice, and often I'm not on the beaten path of anything. Put into the most common terms, I'm the one people seek out after Ami, or simply, if they're looking for a different perspective. You can easily guess that I find myself at a loss for my own outlet, so I become cynical, and on occasion, angry, like you've just witnessed. I'm sorry for that. You're a new arrival on the moon, aren't you? Getting to know all of us, well that's quite the task, isn't it?

It matters not, there is much I should tell you, if you are indeed one of the queen's newest vassals. We all have our demons, its not by any means unusual. However, if you are to work along side of us, her Sailor Senshi, it becomes paramount that you, yourself knows about each of us, and our pasts. Their views on these topics will change drastically from mine, I assure you. However when you speak with them, you'll hear their version, I'm sure...

Anyway, about Minako. She was the first girl I knew I loved. In truth there was Usagi. She comes before Minako in all reality, but that love, or crush as I would more appropriately call it, wasn't exactly known about. I didn't consider her a crush, love interest, or anything along those lines, and so, we shall completely omit that particular detail for the sake of simplicity on my part. If we didn't, well, I would be unlocking a door all of us have sealed. After all, everyone loves Usagi to some extent. The Senshi are her protectors, it only makes sense.

Thus, Minako is our current topic of interest.

I remember it well. Not only when I had first met her, but the days after it. At first, we idolized her, she was Sailor V, the girl with powers that mirrored our own so well. Yet, beyond that, she was like an unreachable glimmer of light, one that even Usagi wanted to reach for. As the novelty waned, we realized who Minako really was, and in turn, learned of her sad past and lonesome views on her life. It wasn't that she spoke then outwardly, but like every girl who felt the loss of love, we understood. At first sight, you'd never know her to be such a deeply inflicted person, and back then it was much the same.

Her eyes have always been a soft blue color, and often they shimmer in excitement. She's always so full of wonder and merriment, always bursting with energy. I find it more endearing than anything. When she's upset those once joy filled orbs become darker, marred with both depression, and the regret of having done something wrong. At the end of everything, although she may point a finger outwardly, she always blames herself. Even now, she hasn't changed as much inside as she has outside. Most clearly a woman, one that looks ravishing in almost anything. Back then she was still a sight for anyone giving her the eye.

We had been friends for a while, and high school was without a doubt the turning point in all of our lives, with unforgettable meetings, and tearful partings. If there is a time I would reach back for, it would be the day I realized I cared for her. When laughter mingled freely with the winds, as if we couldn't lose. No matter what, we would always come out standing atop the word. We were fearless, and perhaps, a bit reckless. Just as every teen does, we felt godlike, and yet, at the same time, worthless without that special someone we could hide behind when times got tough.

It was cold that day, the leaves sprinkled from the trees while rain would often find us on the worst of times. In those days, I was naive.

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go_

"Really Rei, why don't you transfer, it would be far easier if you did." Minako sighed as they walked on yet another morning to their respective schools.

"You know I can't." Rei answered in earnest, her mind was on her grandfather, his busy day ahead was quite hard for a man his age. "My mother wanted me in this school, besides dad pays my tuition. I can't just leave whenever I want. You have it easy going to public school like this. If I could go, I would, trust me." He was only getting older, and she worried about him. That was yet another reason she refused to leave. She had special privileges at the private school, her grandfather was her guardian, and it was because of this that the school let her out early when she was forced into shrine duties. "There's just a lot to think about, and always more to do than grandpa can handle on his own."

"That's why you should just drop out." Minako shrugged. Rei had considered doing that, taking on shrine duties full time, and training under her grandfather. "It's not like you want to do anything else anyway, right?" The blond liked thinking simply, and that often led to loopholes in her best laid plans. "If that's all you want to do, you should be with your grandfather helping him, not worrying about school work, grades, and pleasing those stupid nuns you always complain about."

"I thought about that..." If she could have, she would have done it by now. "The thing is, my father puts way too much weight on who his family is. He hates me, but he also expects the best of me. If I dropped out, grandpa says the press would be all over it. Grandpa also wouldn't be happy, he wants me to graduate and decide on my own after high school. I don't know if I want to wait that long or not." The truth was, he wouldn't be getting any younger, and Rei always feared the worst whenever the school office chimed her name. Because of his age, she was always permitted to call and check in on him, but she knew that was because of her father's influence. He paid quite a lot of funding out of his own pocket. Rei was sure it was a gimmick for his popularity, but she used and sometimes abused the privilege anyway.

"I wouldn't want to wait, but that's just me." Minako's eyes were glued on the ground, not ahead of her, nor focused on any one thing. "Then again, I'm not as careful as you are, so I wouldn't want to think of the worst possibilities." Clenching her backpack tight, she forced a smile. "But hey, if we let things like that scare us, we would be really bad at our job, right? I mean, we can't always force ourselves into thinking so darkly."

"We also can't be so flighty all the time." It was a depressing thought, one Rei often held onto. Because of her job, or because she knew she had mild anger issues with a few in her family, she wasn't sure. "In all honesty, I hate what Dad's done. Treating me like his wonderful daughter, as if we have a happy family. Everyone thinks he so wonderful. If they knew the truth-"

"Everyone would be unhappy." Minako cut off. "Now stop that, before you give the day a bad omen."

"There's always bad omens..."

_You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done_

Omens... That's what I told her. It was as if then she froze up. Her eyes closed and she shook her head, saying something that all these years later, I don't quite remember. She smiled, took a hold of my hand, and walked me to school the rest of the way in the quiet. The only thing I could hear were the puddles as we edged by them. The wet pavement occasionally offered reflections, and if I close my eyes and think hard enough, I can still see her hand gently holding me close. Not letting me go, and her thumb tracing the back of my hand. I don't remember if I felt butterflies fluttering around, or anything like that. I just knew I liked the feeling.

We played lovers hidden in the shadows. She was a difficult woman, and one that drove me insane inwardly. On the outside, she played the normal teenaged girl, a game we were masters at for reasons I care not to think about. Behind closed doors, we played the roles of lovers without a cause. She would run to me, and I would quickly abandon my morals, ripping away my cloth as if it were a confinement I didn't want anything to do with. I would hold her and kiss her, pulling her near me with wants and needs I couldn't say I understood at that time. The heat I would feel, the burning need, the breathlessness, it all would wash over me over and over again.

Just like that, we would come bare for only each other. Stripped of everything, even our own personal goals and resolve, we would make love. Hiding, behind anything, and fearing anyone would find out. We held fast for what we knew could possibly be truth. If anyone found out, they would hate us, outcast us, and leave us behind. We never wanted that feeling again. We accepting each shuddering breath as ecstasy and dread. With shaking hands, we learned the joys of loving a woman, and the pleasure of accepting one in return.

We didn't have anything official. No, it wasn't like that at all. I never asked her to care for me, and I'm sure she wanted nothing to do with another woman outside of our locked cadge. Did I take advantage of her? No, I don't think so. I reached out for her, she just happened to be reaching out for someone too. I was just lucky to be that person. On yet another rainy day fate changed drastically. She ran, flying through the streets with speeds that frightened me. Another two timer no doubt. Minako, she can usually shrug it off, but she was serious about this one. Damn boys treated all of my friends like shit. She never told me about him, but I didn't give her the chance. That night, under the evening sky I found out how much I wanted her, and how far we could go on lying before we broke...

_And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do_

"Who's there!" Minako called out, hearing footsteps following her into the alleyway. Show yourself!"

"It's me...Minako." Rei answered quietly. "You running back here for a reason, or am I just lucky I have such a beautiful girl to myself?" Rei leaned on the brick, waiting for some type of answer, but in her heart, she knew she wouldn't get one. "He broke up with you, didn't he?" It was both an accusation, and a painful reality for both of them. Minako didn't say anything, and instead kept her gaze firm, looking into Rei's eyes, begging her not to continue on with what she was saying, the words both a dagger that cut deep, and a backlash of concealed rage aimed at her. "Say something for gods sake."

"Yeah." Minako whispered. "He did, what do you care?"

"I care because I do." Rei snapped. "Idiot." With that, she took hold of the lost woman in front of her. "Why do you do that." It was a statement, not a question. They both knew that answer anyway. "Run to other guys when you know I'm right here. Why can't I be enough." Again, yet another statement. Rei was her comfort. That's all Rei would ever be, and she knew that. With a sigh, giving up on her anger, she embraced the blond. "Why? Why do I even bother loving you?" That's what Rei didn't understand. "It's been three months, three glorious months. You'd think by now, you'd let me in. If you never say anything how would I know?"

"I don't even know myself." Minako's breath was hot on Rei's neck, but the tears flowing freely, they were cold droplets of truth. "If I knew, then you'd think I'd tell you, but how I am to know how I feel for you?" She pushed herself away. "I'm a girl Rei, and so are you. More than that, we don't have the ability to love each other. That isn't a luxury I'm going to give us. It's not like we can do this forever, this isn't fate, it was never meant to be."

"You say that after kissing me? After all the shit we've gone through together both as Senshi, and as human beings, you say that now." Rei spat in annoyance. "What a crock!" She screamed while punching a nearby brick. "What? You think they'll judge you? That you're alone in this crap? I get it Minako, play the role of the one being hurt. I'm the one who's faithful. I'm the one who's here for you, and only you."

_I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here_

I was so far gone by then. Lost in what I should have done. I wanted to hold her, take her into my arms, and just have sex. Then...then we could have continued our own little world, kept the little lie we built. We fought more that night. Neither of us willing to give or receive either. Not an inch, nor apology. Still, although there are many good things that happen in this life, there are many unfortunate things that occur as well. They spin together, both muddled and confused. That night, it was one of those times. That's what made life so complicated.

We couldn't be on bad terms or everyone would find out. We couldn't cut ties because of what our future held. We would never be able to forget each other no matter what. We were trapped. With anger we lashed out that night. However, with no answer in sight, we also agreed that we had nothing more we could do. Once again we give into our more primal desires. Perhaps, if I had been smart, I would have ended us then and there, on a good note, or as close to one as I could get. I just cared about Minako, I cared for her a lot. I couldn't just let her go. No matter how hard I tried.

Even if we had ended then, we knew that it wouldn't end our relationship. No matter how good or bad it might have become. Friends, or personal enemies, we were bound together in such a way. We both loved the excuse, and hated ourselves for it. In a time we couldn't comprehend, and so far away, we simply acted like we were strong. As if we couldn't be phased, and nothing would change us. That night, we had sex again, but it was by no means love. That was also the night we continued our little sin, only because we had nothing better for an answer.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice_

"Stupid meetings." Minako sighed in exasperation. "You just make sure you act normal." Tying her bow back into her hair, she had finished dressing after their afternoon frolic. She watched as Rei lit scented candles trying to mask the smell, Minako for her part began changing the bed sheets. This was their routine. They had it down well now, and could easily hide their activities. "Will you be alright for the meeting?"

"I know my lines, I'm used to it." Rei growled as she buttoned up a shirt. "Just make sure you know yours." Lies, they were so good at telling them now. Rei hated that fact about herself. Still, it was a necessity in her mind. As a dutiful student and granddaughter for the outside world, she would have to lie about being a Senshi anyway. It was the good of her friends and family. Lying to the others, well, she had an issue with that. She felt as if Usagi, out of all of them, had the right to know what was going on. It was Minako's fear kept them both quiet. "What story are we going with this time?"

"Mom and I got into a fight last night. We'll just tell them I wanted to avoid her today and came over early." Minako sighed. It really was all so easily done. "I had called Usagi last night ranting about it, actually. So it would be a half truth. I really hadn't wanted to stick around on my day off and wait for another lecture." It was then the knock on the door came, the others arriving for a day of study and Senshi business.

_Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

We never wanted to continue onward. But we had too. I'll always love Minako, and even now, she was the best thing that ever happened in my life. Usagi and the others, yes, they all have a place in my heart, but, when I look back, my largest regret was not keeping her at my side. We placed the roles, had our cards right, and we knew it was the best thing in the world, secretly. Outwardly that was a different matter. Now, years later, when I look into her eyes, I see pain, remorse, and the longing to be held again. In order to understand why that is, I must compose myself, for that particular part leaves my heart devoid of anything but only the deepest of sorrow.

In my life, as a teen, even if it was some of my most unhappiest times, was also some of my most gifted. I know that now. If I hadn't taken everything for granted, would I still be with her now? I wonder that often, but even so, I continue on as I should, only for the good of our lie, and for the appearance of normality. In truth though, there is one other person who knows of what happened back then, and I guess, you could say she was both the cause of my demise as Minako's lover, and the one who saved me from myself. However, that is for yet another time. One when I can can halfheartedly remember that the past is the past, and now is where I am.


	3. A Name.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We now meet the person Rei had been speaking with. We see her POV as the story takes a slight pause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, we get to meet the new character. This not NOT Rei's point of view, rather the new character for the sake of the story. This was who Rei had been speaking with in the beginning. Please Enjoy the chapter. Read and review.

I'm Usagi's new vassal. A descendant from a long forgotten earth, where mortality used to govern the fate of all human beings. History foretells of people starting wars over such a gift that longevity gives them, however, I was not alive during that time. It is true, we were gifted the graces of such long life when the queen came into power. She hates if those close to her call her that, so, we merely call her Usagi. Apparently, that was her name once long ago. I'm young, merely a teen by their standards, so I do not understand much of the world yet. That is why I'm here, to do as my ancestors have done, keeping an eye on the kingdom, offering my diligent services for any and all of the royalty here, that also includes the royal guard and their families. Many people have been born and laid to rest here in what some still call the new land. It really isn't new any more, but that's besides the point.

Not everyone wishes longevity, some people don't value long life for many reasons. It's because of this that some mortals still exist. Putting it simply, it's a choice made once you are an adult, able to make the decision for yourself. If you wish agelessness, Usagi in all of her kindness will gift you that power. If you don't, you live out your life and like that of a human, finally passing on within the normal span of a human, about one hundred years, give or take ten or so. I am not yet old enough to decide for myself. I have two more years before that day arrives. Like my mother, and her mother before her, I will likely turn down the offer.

There's a particular appreciation for waking up every day when you know that one day, much sooner than everyone else, you'll lose such a thing. It makes me learn to love my life all the more. Trust me, I enjoy it a lot. I have scruffy, messy brown hair on my head, that I don't often keep neat. I just don't see the need, so sometimes it gets in my face. I bite my nails, and I'm not exactly pretty, let's face it, I don't run around in a skirt all day. I look no more than a simple peasant, and I guess, that would make sense. However, I'm not such a low ranking individual. In reality, I'm not all that far removed from the Senshi, my mother told me as much. My bloodline is very precious, at least, that's what my mother always chants constantly when I go visit her on our home planet.

I still don't know why she sent me here, it's a sort of coming of age I guess. Not that it matters much, I never had many friends back on our home planet. So, all's well that ends well, in that case. I'd stay here if I could, everyone is so nice, and the royalty aren't snobs like at other places. All of the Sailor Senshi, and the Queen treat me as family, and her baby is adorable. I don't know the king very well personally, but I do know he is a kind man. His daughter will one day lead the kingdom many years in the future. For now though, he and Usagi are hailed from even the far reaches of civilization.

I've learned a lot about the Sailor Senshi, their families, and their pasts. There is one person though, who often captivates me. She treats me with even more kindness than anyone else here. The Queen of Mars, Hino Rei. She's so nice to me, smiles even when she looks like she's about to cry. The first day I was here, she took me to her shine, and told me about herself. I still don't know everything, but that will come in time. "Fusayo, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Ami studying?" She asks me. I hadn't thought I'd run into her here, in the corner of the garden.

"Not today, I'm off three days of the week, mostly because this is still my first month within the walls of the castle." I tell her as I smile softly. There she goes, her lavender eyes meeting mine, those of a deep green. She looks sad again, like she always does at times like this. "Instead I'm just thinking about a few things, I like to write them down sometimes."

"And, what 'things' would that be." Rei seems concerned, she too takes a seat. "Are you lonely here? I'm sure Usagi would let you go home, if you wanted. She's not the type of person to force anyone to do anything." I feel her hand ruffle my hair. I wish I knew what she was thinking, but instead of losing myself in her gaze again, I keep my eyes on the flowers. It's a safer place to look.

"I'm not lonely." I chirp quickly. I need to be mindful of the conversation. "I was just thinking about everything I've learned and comparing it with what I knew..."

"Oh?" Rei seems even more interested in my thoughts than before. Sometimes I wonder if she can read them or something. "What about?" She's almost worried, and I can see the glaze of barely repressed tears for a moment before they blink away again. There are plenty of other students, why does she only look at me like that? That's what I want to know most. All of the others like me are also going to become personal attendants for those here in the castle. We shouldn't have any meaning besides that. It confuses me.

"My name." I say slowly. "Mother says our name, the one that's been passed on through generations of women in our family is important. I'm also told I should name my daughter that, if I one day have one. I never knew why though, my mom never told me." I don't know why Rei takes such interest in me, but I'll also guess that it's not my place to ask. I like the attention, it makes me feel welcome, and at home. Something I've never felt before now.

"Your mother never told you?" Rei seemed slightly surprised. "You are a direct relation to us. Like family, if you'll allow the term. Throughout the ages we've watch your family grow. Your ancestor was a personal friend of ours." Rei seemed dejected again, as if something was bothering her. "This friend..." Rei paused before biting her lip. "Never mind that right now..." It looks like whatever she wants to say, it's rather hard on her. "Why you have your name, isn't really important. If you want to know why, that would be because of Sailor Pluto. That's all you really need to worry about."

I had never seen Rei get up and leave so quickly before. More questions fill my mind now than ever before, and I fear that I could be digging deeply into someplace I shouldn't be. There was something in Rei's eyes. It was more than she would say, and I feel like I'm stepping into uncharted territory. Do I confront her? I wonder if I should? I'm not all that sure. I mean, what's in a name. It can't mean all that much, but it seems like it does. It least, for Rei it does. My name is Fusayo, child of generations. My mother had it, and her mother before it. It's a tradition, but is it merely that...

Or, is it something more? I wonder sometimes...

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters are in the making. All of my chapters are first posted on ff.net and then brought over here. That said, I am still learning how to use this site, so bear with me. If you think I have incorrectly labeled the rating or anything else, please let me know. I'm still quite new here, so I'm looking forward to a helpful and exciting community.


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